(Satirical) Life Pro Tips

[aMarioFan64]

Hey, you! Yeah, you, reading this thread! I think it's time we use this forum to spread wisdom. You got any Life Pro Tips to share with your fellow Nintoddlers? Post 'em right here.

Spoiler:

Warning: The tips in this thread should be satirical. Any actual advice should go straight to the OMG Chat Room.

Anyhoo, here's a good first tip for this thread:

[Nicholas]

If you can't find a bookmark buy a Kindle e reader and have as many books as you want in one package automatic saves included!

[aMarioFan64]

Want to open a restaurant in your town/neighborhood? Binge-Watch Kitchen Nightmares first. Then You'll know exactly what not to do.

[Ninja Monkey]

Easy pro tip (for men) if you are trying to conceive a boy
There's a bit of preparation involved but if you follow this simple Ancient Viking tradition then you you're in luck
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden

What you'll need: Pickled herring, a bucket of Ice Water, the right mood, a place to be, lemon repelling measures and a consenting girlfriend/wife that doesn't repel your advances.

The Process:Step by step follow these simple instructions in order.
Consume the pickled herring.
Carefully submerge your manhood in ice water.
And make sure to face your girlfriend north prior/during the act.

Precautions: Avoid lemons
Sometimes lemons like to get in on the action.
They need to be avoided at all costs.
They're baby girl fertilizers

Thanks to this simple patented® method everyone of my family line had all sons
So who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

[wu_wei_lion]

Easy pro tip (for men) if you are trying to conceive a boy
There's a bit of preparation involved but if you follow this simple Ancient Viking tradition then you you're in luck
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden

What you'll need: Pickled herring, a bucket of Ice Water, the right mood, a place to be, lemon repelling measures and a consenting girlfriend/wife that doesn't repel your advances.

The Process:Step by step follow these simple instructions in order.
Consume the pickled herring.
Carefully submerge your manhood in ice water.
And make sure to face your girlfriend north prior/during the act.

Precautions: Avoid lemons
Sometimes lemons like to get in on the action.
They need to be avoided at all costs.
They're baby girl fertilizers

Thanks to this simple patented® method everyone of my family line had all sons
So who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

Good life hack. What if you want a daughter? Do you consume Sürstromming?

[aMarioFan64]

Easy pro tip (for men) if you are trying to conceive a boy
There's a bit of preparation involved but if you follow this simple Ancient Viking tradition then you you're in luck
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden

What you'll need: Pickled herring, a bucket of Ice Water, the right mood, a place to be, lemon repelling measures and a consenting girlfriend/wife that doesn't repel your advances.

The Process:Step by step follow these simple instructions in order.
Consume the pickled herring.
Carefully submerge your manhood in ice water.
And make sure to face your girlfriend north prior/during the act.

Precautions: Avoid lemons
Sometimes lemons like to get in on the action.
They need to be avoided at all costs.
They're baby girl fertilizers

Thanks to this simple patented® method everyone of my family line had all sons
So who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

Instructions unclear, got my foot stuck in the toaster.

[Ninja Monkey]

Easy pro tip (for men) if you are trying to conceive a boy
There's a bit of preparation involved but if you follow this simple Ancient Viking tradition then you you're in luck
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden

What you'll need: Pickled herring, a bucket of Ice Water, the right mood, a place to be, lemon repelling measures and a consenting girlfriend/wife that doesn't repel your advances.

The Process:Step by step follow these simple instructions in order.
Consume the pickled herring.
Carefully submerge your manhood in ice water.
And make sure to face your girlfriend north prior/during the act.

Precautions: Avoid lemons
Sometimes lemons like to get in on the action.
They need to be avoided at all costs.
They're baby girl fertilizers

Thanks to this simple patented® method everyone of my family line had all sons
So who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

Good life hack. What if you want a daughter? Do you consume Sürstromming?

If you are trying to conceive a girl then contrary to polular belief there's no fish eating involved

The Process: Point your maiden south at the moment of conception
Eat a lemon
And heat up your lady's lady parts to a balmy 105°f/40°C.

Precautions:
Avoid pickled herring and fish of any kind
Do not dunk you manhood in Ice Water.

Easy pro tip (for men) if you are trying to conceive a boy
There's a bit of preparation involved but if you follow this simple Ancient Viking tradition then you you're in luck
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden

What you'll need: Pickled herring, a bucket of Ice Water, the right mood, a place to be, lemon repelling measures and a consenting girlfriend/wife that doesn't repel your advances.

The Process:Step by step follow these simple instructions in order.
Consume the pickled herring.
Carefully submerge your manhood in ice water.
And make sure to face your girlfriend north prior/during the act.

Precautions: Avoid lemons
Sometimes lemons like to get in on the action.
They need to be avoided at all costs.
They're baby girl fertilizers

Thanks to this simple patented® method everyone of my family line had all sons
So who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

Instructions unclear, got my foot stuck in the toaster.

Yeah we get that a lot. Toasters have been a constant problem with this method dating back to the viking days.
Just remove your foot from the toaster, re-read the instructions once again and redo the process.
If you want us to guide you through the process and discuss what went wrong, please contact customer support at https://www.norsevikingwisdom.com/contact Or get in contact with me through a private message on here. I hope I was of help

[aMarioFan64]

[Ancient]

Easy pro tip (for men) if you are trying to conceive a boy
There's a bit of preparation involved but if you follow this simple Ancient Viking tradition then you you're in luck
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden

What you'll need: Pickled herring, a bucket of Ice Water, the right mood, a place to be, lemon repelling measures and a consenting girlfriend/wife that doesn't repel your advances.

The Process:Step by step follow these simple instructions in order.
Consume the pickled herring.
Carefully submerge your manhood in ice water.
And make sure to face your girlfriend north prior/during the act.

Precautions: Avoid lemons
Sometimes lemons like to get in on the action.
They need to be avoided at all costs.
They're baby girl fertilizers

Thanks to this simple patented® method everyone of my family line had all sons
So who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

Good life hack. What if you want a daughter? Do you consume Sürstromming?

If you are trying to conceive a girl then contrary to polular belief there's no fish eating involved

The Process: Point your maiden south at the moment of conception
Eat a lemon
And heat up your lady's lady parts to a balmy 105°f/40°C.

Precautions:
Avoid pickled herring and fish of any kind
Do not dunk you manhood in Ice Water.

Easy pro tip (for men) if you are trying to conceive a boy
There's a bit of preparation involved but if you follow this simple Ancient Viking tradition then you you're in luck
Ancient Norse wisdom tells us that, to sire a son, you must do three things right before you lay with your maiden

What you'll need: Pickled herring, a bucket of Ice Water, the right mood, a place to be, lemon repelling measures and a consenting girlfriend/wife that doesn't repel your advances.

The Process:Step by step follow these simple instructions in order.
Consume the pickled herring.
Carefully submerge your manhood in ice water.
And make sure to face your girlfriend north prior/during the act.

Precautions: Avoid lemons
Sometimes lemons like to get in on the action.
They need to be avoided at all costs.
They're baby girl fertilizers

Thanks to this simple patented® method everyone of my family line had all sons
So who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

Instructions unclear, got my foot stuck in the toaster.

Yeah we get that a lot. Toasters have been a constant problem with this method dating back to the viking days.
Just remove your foot from the toaster, re-read the instructions once again and redo the process.
If you want us to guide you through the process and discuss what went wrong, please contact customer support at https://www.norsevikingwisdom.com/contact Or get in contact with me through a private message on here. I hope I was of help

[FlamingFury]

Protip: Get citizenship for the country you want to visit. That way you don’t have to worry about getting a visa


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